Flashy Lights

You’ve probably seen my picture plastered all over the world wide web as of late. It seems like every race I run, there are paparazzi hanging out on the sidelines trying to take pictures of me and then those pictures somehow end up on the internet… like facebook & IG & stuff (who put those there?!). I’ve even seen my face grace the NYRR website twice already this year! (And only like 15 pictures deep in a photo album full of randos)

Okay, so maybe I’m not “famous” in the technical sense, but as the face of Runcorked I’ve put a great deal of effort into honing my ability to rock the race photo and I’m proud of just how far I’ve come. Witness the evolution:

Exhibit A – 1st Race photos: NY Mini 10K June 11, 2016 – Not. Attractive. Period.

 

Exhibit B – Recent Photo: Fred Lebow Manhattan Half Jan 22, 2017 – Merica!

LebowHalf17_Run_19.jpg

I’ve learned a thing or two over the last year and I’d like to take this opportunity to share my findings with others who struggle to make it look easy (because we all know it’s not easy at all and we often feel like stopping to walk, barf, cry or D. all of the above).

Rule #1: I-Spy that Sneaky Muverfarking Camera Guy

See them before they see you. That’s your only chance. Don’t plan on holding it together the entire race. That’s unreasonable. You’re bopping along all smiley and cute… get a little complacent… fatigue starts setting in… and then SNAPSKI! Another race photo wasted on tired eyes, an unkindly grimace and sagging, lifeless jowls. Stay alert and keep on the lookout for inconspicuous people with cameras crouching in the bushes. Keep those eyes moving high and low, back and forth across sidelines like you’re watching a tennis match. AND when in doubt assume anyone with a camera is official. Worst case scenario, you end up with a quality photobomb.

Rule #2: Go In With A Belichick-Worthy Game Plan

Plan your pose ahead of time & get a second opinion if it’s something new. Otherwise you might end up throwing a sad, awkward wave and left hand jab that just leaves you filled with regret…

awkward wave.jpg

Repeat after me, “I will never get myself into a situation where I do not know what to do with my hands.”

ted-corbitt-15k-goof

Yes, I’ve throw the 2 thumbs up. Judge me. I was holding mittens. And this picture leads us right into the next rule…

Rule #3: Dress to Impress

If you’re like me and can’t figure out how to drink water out of cups while running, wear clothes that hide the evidence of your shortcomings. In the above picture, you can see that I literally threw the entire cup at my face and probably got about a half of an ounce in my actual mouth.

Similarly, beware of extended arm poses in the winter…

ted-corbitt-15k-9

Or did I just try to carry my water cup under my arm because my hands were filled with mittens? Sigh.

Anyways, rep your team, wear a banana suit or write all over your naked body in black magic marker. Whatever tickles your balls. Just know that the rest of us will think you are completely nuts (in a we accept you regardless, “you-go-girl” kind of way of course).

Rule #4 Diversify your Investments

Unless you’ve got Blue Steel in back pocket, maintain an arsenal of poses for each camera encounter. Don’t put all your eggs in same damn omelet. Mix it up and see what works froyo-style. My toppings of choice? The Hallelujah Jazz Hands or the Classic Double Deuces just to name a couple.

Rule #5: Whatever man. Screw rules. Stop trying so hard, smile and just do you. Sometimes the worst pictures end up being your favorites for the very hilarity they bring to the table. And you should know that even your worst running pictures still show you looking badass and sexy as hell.

I’m sure you’re sick of looking at pictures of me by now (pffffff impossible, Stack!). So, I challenge you to comment with your “worst” and “best” ever race photos below. I swear it’s as liberating as trading jeans for yoga pants, quitting your job and discovering DIY projects on Pinterest.

J.Stack

PS. Go Patriots.

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