Evidence Suggests Drinking Wine is a Form of Yoga

It no secret that I love pizza almost as much as I love wine & running. On a rare occasion (okay, at least once a week), I take 3 slices to the house. Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Jen, how do you manage to keep that screamin’ hot bod with all that pizza & wine, seeing as you’re injured right now and can’t run?” Bikram Yoga, my friend. “Hot yoga,” for those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of vigorously attacking posture after awkward, whoop-ass posture in over 100 degree room for 90 minutes.

The thing about Bikram Yoga that presents an interesting challenge for a wine enthusiast, is that you must choose which you are going to partake in early in the day and stick with that decision. You can do Bikram or you can drink wine. You cannot have and enjoy both comfortably. Yes, it’s entirely unfair. Oddly enough, I chose Bikram on Monday evening. 

It was on my way to the 6:30pm class, thinking about that forgone bottle of chardonnay burning a hole in my wine rack, when it hit me. Bikram and wine have an uncanny amount in common. It breaks down like this:

Both Wine & Bikram…

  • Dehydrate you to the most horrible & disgusting degree.
  • Lower you inhibitions and make it more likely for you to remove clothing in front of complete strangers.
  • Have been responsible for making me vomit at least once and there is no way I am alone in this.
  • Incorporate snobby, foreign words that are annoying until you gain appreciation for them over time. And even then you get it, but you’re still embarrassed to use them because they sound ridiculous coming from you.
  • Warm you up, make your face red, relax you & numb pain like magic.
  • End with you lying on the floor like a corpse and wondering why you did that to yourself. They call it “Savasana” at bikram, but it’s more commonly known as “passing out.”
  • Keep you coming back for more in spite of everything & compliment running in the best possible way.

Considering all of this, I have drawn the scientific conclusion that drinking wine must also be a form of Yoga with similar health benefits.

Go forth and exercise,

J.Stack

Disclaimer: This is only silly, wishful thinking. I did not perform a clinical study using the scientific method, lab coats and bunson burners.  You should not rely on drinking wine for exercise, as that would be considered alcohol abuse and doing so may lead to obesity, liver disease, purple teeth and other health serious issues. 

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